Okay so hello everybody reading this, what ever way you landed here thank you and a big bear hug.
I always thought that I’ll make it big in the world. Someday, maybe not today not tomorrow not a month after but someday. I still believe that, here on my blog I usually write about books or issues or goals or other people but today I am here to tell you all a little story of mine.
But before that I am not going to ask you to follow me or like or comment or share or whatever, because that is clearly not working (you can though, if you want to😂). I want you to read this, whatever I have written and I dont mind you dropping out in between. Have a good read. 🤗
I turned 16 on 3rd December 2018, I was writing a non-fiction book back then which clearly was never completed. On 12th December 2018 I downloaded wordpress and boom Bigstuff at 16 was created. It was a feeling which I cannot explain in words, I felt independent. It was an out of the world feeling and no matter how childish this sounds, it was beautiful. I knew what I was gonna do with this blog and not a single moment was any money involved. I dreamt about my life 10 years from now and I was still using big stuff at 16 to spread love, even in the imaginations. It talked all about positivity and love and hope. It was all good things, that created an impact. It impacted me, it impacted people I wrote it for. All was good.
For about 1 and a half year it was amazing, I did not post very often, neither did I have many followers or likes per say. I wrote about my feelings, my love for books, about little things that mattered to me, like my gushy peepal tree which I still adore. I never felt the pressure or the need to post even if it was 2 months since my last post. But then one very fine day I decided to do what I thought I’ll never commit to ever again. I posted a poem. I am a good poet and it comes as naturally to me as breathing. But another thing I was aware of was the fatal minor success it might just give me and that is what happened.
I posted one poem got many likes, follows, good comments. Then the greed in me lit up, I posted another. Naturally, it was well received and the process followed. My classmates loved them, co-bloggers followed me, my teachers praised me. I thought this was the good phase, I was consistent, liked and sad. What? The sad triggered you!?
Well, I remember when I wrote “suicide is never the way out” I never wrote it for my stats page or followers. It was for me and my readers, people who genuinely loved me and believed that I could conquer. When I published “Time’s up”, it shook a lot of lives. “Spirituality” created a storm in the heads of many friends. But what impact did my last poem had? Well on me, it brought me views and like and to my readers, it brought the burden to be formal and like.
Please, do not mistake me for a hater of poetry. I love it to the core, it holds the capability to shake my world. It can take me places, but one thing that it does best is freeze my creative juices. I was getting such amazing response on My Feelings for you through poetry 2.O that I did not care to write another review or another piece on social issues. It was good to be a poet again and then all the rocks hit me together. I did not receive even 5 views on my poem, I could see my draft page filling in. I could see myself not being a blogger anymore. Just a poet who wrote for nothing but views. But was I actually that? No, I loved my blog and I loved my poems. I realised that the potential of these poems could drown every other thing I would ever write and it would make me forestfireloversj (wattpad username) all over again.
I thank you all dearly for your amazing responses on my poems but I genuinely feel that poetry zones me especially when it is received well and then not so well. I know my reality might just be a dream for many, but I wish to achieve higher. I shall post my poetries once in a month or less maybe but I will, because a lot of you actually like them and my mere obsession with follow greed should not be a reason to rob you off good content (my poetries are actually good😂)
I really want to thank everyone who has stuck around for so long and you guys deserve quality content. I promise on bringing very crisp reviews and amazing life hacks very soon. Thank you for always sticking around and hanging in, when the world turned away. I won’t let you down. I am braver than my situation.
I will be posting my last #weekendpoetry tomorrow and then I’ll see you guys in a month.😄😄
I really appreciate your support and I genuinely love all of you. Stay strong and stay there.
This is Saloni Jaitly signing off.
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